Chapter Twelve
Command School
Kirk Personal Log Stardate 58014.4
Today is the first day of the semester and my first day at Command School. I'm excited to start the classes but my personal life is tense and trying. Chad and I are speaking again. Once he learned that he'd been mistaken he was ready to forgive and forget. The problem was my secret had been exposed to the one person I'd wanted to keep it from. Quinn seemed more shocked than anything when he figured out what Chad was accusing us of. The three of us sat and talked it out for the rest of the party.
The problem is that Quinn and I haven't said more than six words to each other in any given time period since the party. I wish he'd just tell me he doesn't want anything to do with me and get it over with. Living in the apartment with him and not talking is driving me crazy. Never mind the fact that it hurts. I wish Chad would have come to me and talked about this instead of just blurting out that I'm gay and in love with Quinn in front of him.
One good thing happened between the party and now. I used some of my compensation to purchase a transport vehicle. It isn't anything special but it gets us back and forth to the academy. Chad can't wait to ride in it and Quinn actually said he was looking forward to it, but he said it to Chad. Something has to happen before I go completely insane.
Jim showered and dressed in his uniform before heading to the kitchen for some breakfast and coffee. Quinn wasn't in the kitchen when he got there and he was thankful for that. He didn't want to face him just yet. Another morning without conversation wasn't something he had been looking forward to. Chad would come down any minute and then it would all be fine.
Kathryn had suddenly become quite busy with preparations for the new semester at the academy. That meant that she left a lot earlier than they did and rides were impossible. The transport vehicle Jim had purchased over the break would be their way back and forth each day. Jim would be stuck in the vehicle with Quinn twice a day. Sure Chad would be there but he'd still have the silent form of the man that he was in love with in the back.
* * *
Quinn sat on his bed dressed in his uniform. His computer and books in front of him. He was ready for class. Inside he was in turmoil. Jim loved him. He loved him. So why couldn't Quinn tell him that he loved him back? He wanted to. It was killing him to keep silent and he could see the hurt look in Jim's eyes every time he became speechless and walked away from him. It was starting to destroy Quinn to do it. He just couldn't get the words out of his mouth.
He'd spent an awful lot of time in his room over the break. The only times he'd come out were when he needed to shower or use the bathroom and when Chad was there. Whenever there was any company Quinn would come out of his room. It was getting ridiculous. He had to say something before Jim decided he didn't love him anymore.
He'd talked to Kathryn about his feelings after the party. She'd told him to sit down with Jim and tell him everything from his feelings to his fears but it wasn't that simple. Being human had never been as hard as it was at that time. In that moment he hated his father more than ever for what he'd done.
Sitting up he listened and heard Chad come into the apartment. It was time to join them in the kitchen. Soon it would be time to head for the academy and their classes. He sighed as he got off the bed and gathered his books and computer. He looked at his reflection and sighed again. It was time to face Jim once again.
* * *
"So he hasn't said anything to you of any substance since the party?" Chad asked later that day while he and Jim were having lunch.
"No," sighed Jim. "I'm in love with him and he won't even tell me to fuck off."
"Trust me, Jim," said Chad seriously. "He isn't going to tell you to fuck off. He's as in love with you as you are with him. I know that look."
"Then why won't he even talk to me, Chad?" he asked in frustration. "We live in the same apartment and unless someone comes to visit or you are there Quinn stays in his bedroom."
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Chad asked.
"I don't think it would do any good," sighed Jim. "Besides I'm late for class. I'll pick you up after your last class just contact me."
"Later," said Chad as he watched his friend get up from the table and walk out of the mess hall.
He sighed as he thought about his responsibility for what was happening. Quinn and Jim had been getting very close until he'd opened his big mouth at the party. He'd jumped to conclusions and it was killing his friend. Jim didn't know if it would do any good but Chad didn't see what harm it could do to talk to Quinn and try to make him see what he was doing to Jim.
As if thinking about talking to him and getting him to see reason was a summons, Quinn walked in and smiled when he saw Chad sitting at the table by himself. He went to get his food and then started for the table, looking around the room as he walked. Chad was sure that he was looking for Jim. This was his opportunity to set things right. Jim was in class and Chad didn't have another class for two hours. He had time.
"Hey, Chad," said Quinn with a delighted smile on his face as he sat down, putting his tray of fruit and juice on the table in front of him. "How's your first day back been so far?"
"Pretty good actually," said Chad, smiling back. "How's med school?"
"Surprisingly easy so far," laughed Quinn.
"I need to talk to you about something, Quinn," Chad said, watching his face closely. "Something important."
"Go ahead," said Quinn, taking a sip from his juice.
"It's about Jim," he said slowly, noticing the look on Quinn's face go from curiosity to concern and then to a mask of indifference.
"What about him?"
"Well he's hurting right now and I know how to fix it but I need your help," he replied. "Do you think you can help me?"
"That depends," said Quinn. "What's wrong with Jim?"
"Well he's in love with you for starters," said Chad. "That wasn't supposed to be brought out but I jumped to conclusions and kind of opened my mouth without thinking."
"Chad . . ."
"Hear me out, Quinn," he interrupted, holding up a hand. "Jim's happiness is important to me."
"It's important me too but . . ."
"I know you're in love with him, Quinn," Chad said, interrupting him again. "I can see it when you look at him. I know what love looks like."
Quinn stared at him for a moment before his shoulders slumped and he sighed. A look of anguish came over his face and Chad felt sorry for him for a moment. He had to get this out of him though. He had to help Jim.
"I do love him, Chad," said Quinn. "I love him more than I've ever loved anything in my life. I just don't know how to tell him."
"It's pretty simple actually," said Chad with a smile. "You just say the words. Believe me he'll be happy when you do."
"You don't understand," said Quinn. "I'm a Q."
"You're human now," Chad pointed out. "Your father made you human."
"Yes but does that mean that all of the parts of my body now work the way they do for humans?" he asked, blushing as he spoke. "I mean can I have a sexual relationship with Jim?"
"I don't know the answer to that question, Quinn," he said. "I think you owe it to Jim to discuss this with him though. If you love him don't leave him hanging like this. It's killing him."
Quinn stared at him for a moment. Chad watched and waited. He hadn't thought about the fact that Quinn might be a little scared of loving Jim. That thought had never even come close to entering his head. He still thought that Quinn needed to talk it all out with Jim though. They'd work it out together. All it would take would be Quinn telling Jim he loved him.
* * *
They made their way to the promenade and watched the spectacle above. Advanced Starship Maneuvering was in full swing. Jim was sitting on the bridge of the small ship hovering above them. It had been announced that the ship had been given certain problems that Jim would have to over come to land it safely on the field behind the dorms. They watched and Quinn's heart fluttered as he thought of the real danger that Jim was in.
Command School was so much different than the regular academy program. Jim was up there all by himself and usually there'd been a safety net of some kind in place to ensure that he wouldn't kill himself when he was just a cadet. Now that he was striving to become Captain James Kirk the safety nets were gone and he was alone. Quinn was beside himself with worry.
When the ship began to tremble in the air Chad grabbed his arm and together they watched in fear as Jim began to let the shift drift slowly to the Earth. Flames appeared in four places on the hull and gasps sounded throughout the gathered spectators. Then the ship tilted to the left and more gasps could be heard. Quinn was shocked to realize that his own gasp was among the chorus. Jim compensated and turned the ship completely around before the landing gear dropped and he coasted to the ground. The crowd broke out in applauds as Quinn let go of the breath he'd been holding.
Chad nearly had to drag him away so that he wouldn't miss his next class. All through the class, while he was supposed to be paying close attention to the lecture, he was thinking about seeing that ship tilt and the flames all over the hull. If he needed anymore confirmation of the fact that he loved James Kirk he'd gotten it today. He knew that the landing wasn't as dangerous as it could have been but it was close enough for his tastes.
In his next and final class of the day he decided that he was going to tell Jim how he felt. Biology be damned. Chad was right. His father had made him human. He'd seen other human males nude before and had noted that even before his father rendered him mortal he had all of the same parts as they did. He knew that he could achieve and sustain an erection for sometimes long periods of time. They were mostly annoying but with a little help from Jim that might change. He smiled until the class was over and he was on his way to the parking lot.
Jim was sitting at one of the tables in front of the main building, talking with a few other Command Cadets when Quinn spotted him. He smiled as he looked at him. He looked so mature and proud sitting there. He loved him even more and decided that maybe showing him how he felt would be better than telling him.
He walked up to him and waited until he stopped talking and looked at him. Shocking him to the core he grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. They were standing nose to nose. Quinn smiled before wrapping his arms around Jim's neck and kissing him hard and long.
It took a minute but Jim's arms finally encircled Quinn's waste if not hesitantly at first. As the kiss deepened so did Jim's embrace. Their hearts began to beat in rapid succession and their palms began to sweat. All of the little things that let a human know he's alive began to happen to both of them. Quinn was shocked and elated to discover that he had an erection. It was pressed against Jim's leg as they held each other so close that air couldn't get between them.
"Holy shit!" cried Chad as he came to stand five feet from them. They broke the kiss and turned to look at him smiling wide.
"What's wrong, Chad?" Quinn asked with his patent smirk.
"Nothing," Chad replied after a minute, smiling back at them. "Let's get out of here though. You're putting on a show for the entire campus."
They made their way to Jim's transport vehicle in silence. Chad smiled at the sight of Jim holding tight to Quinn's hand as they made their way through the lot. He was happy to know that Quinn had finally talked to Jim about how he felt. He still felt like an ass for opening his mouth after having jumped to the wrong conclusion and causing the mess that he had. It seemed that it had all worked out though.
When they arrived at the apartment building Chad excused himself to let the two of them talk. He promised to see them later and then shoved them out of the elevator. They let themselves into their apartment silent as church mice. Sitting their books on the kitchen table they sat down and looked at each other. Neither said anything for a few moments.
"I'm sorry for not talking to you about this, Jim," Quinn said finally breaking the silence. "There are things about this that I'm concerned about and I didn't know how to talk to you about it."
"You can talk to me about anything, Quinn," said Jim. "What are you concerned about?"
"Well I was a Q, Jim," Quinn said, staring at the table. "I'm not sure how this will work. I know how humans have sex and that's not how it's done in the continuum."
"But you're human now," said Jim.
"Yes," he said. "My father made me human, and I know that I have all the right equipment and once I became human it functioned like every other human's. I'm just not sure about sexual function."
"You've never tried?" Jim asked.
"I've never wanted to have sex with anyone other than you," said Quinn. "I thought for the longest time that you wouldn't want me; that you either weren't gay or you wouldn't want me because of what I used to be."
"I don't care about what you used to be, Quinn," said Jim, taking his hands across the table. "I love you and that's all that matters to me."
"I love you, too," he said, smiling at him. "It just took me a while to admit it."
"So you haven't even tried to masturbate?" Jim asked.
"No," said Quinn, blushing brightly. "I've never given masturbation any thought because I didn't think it would work."
"I don't know what to say to that," said Jim. "I think that if you're worried about nothing though. If your capable of normal human bodily functions then I'd say the equipment works."
"What if we try and it doesn't?" Quinn asked. "What then?"
"Then we'll deal with that and move on," said Jim with determination. "I love you, Quinn. I'm not going to be petty and selfish about it. I would love to make love with you and share that kind of relationship with you. If we can I think it would be remarkable for both of us. If we can't then we'll just figure things out as they go."
Quinn thought about that for a moment. He loved Jim with all of his heart. He knew that it wouldn't matter if he were human or a Q. He'd love him either way. He knew about human sex. He'd read about it often enough. He also knew that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with Jim. He just hoped that he could. There was only one way to find out if he could or not though.
"I'd like to try," he said softly, looking at Jim with nervous eyes.
Jim stood up, walked around the table and took his hand. He led him to his bedroom silently. His heart was beating faster and he could see the nervousness in Quinn. He hoped that this would work but he'd been honest when he said that they'd work things out if it didn't. He wasn't going to leave him if it didn't work.
He started by kissing him, moving against him and holding him. Quinn responded and Jim could feel his erection. He'd felt it before when they were kissing so he knew that part worked. They weren't going to have a problem with that. He started to unzip the jacket of Quinn's uniform as he moved from kissing his lips to kissing his neck. He heard him moan as he pulled the jacket off his arms and began to lift the shirt underneath.
Slowly and carefully he stripped him until he was standing before him completely naked. It was the most beautiful sight Jim had ever seen. He smiled when Quinn started to remove his clothes. The process was slow but Quinn made it wonderful by leaving kisses in all of the same spots that Jim had left them on him.
When they were both naked Jim pulled Quinn down on the bed and they brought their bodies together as they kissed and touched each other all over. Quinn learned fast and reciprocated readily. When Jim left kisses down his torso until he took Quinn's dick into his mouth Quinn hissed in a breath and lay back.
It didn't take long and they had their answer. When Quinn was sated Jim moved back up his body, smiling at him. Then two hours later they were wrapped in each other's arms caressing each other softly. Their sexual relationship would have no hindrances of any kind.
THE LEXUS CHRONICLES