WARNING: This story contains scenes depiction sexual relations between males. For a time one of those males won't exactly be of legal age in some parts of the country. If this type of material is offensive to your or is not legal in your place of residence DO NOT READ THIS STORY.


SEVEN
KNOW THY SELF

I thought about my impending meeting with my mother the whole time I cleared walks and driveways for my clients. I wanted to see her and sit and talk with her, but I wasn't so sure that I wanted to see the doctor. She hadn't mentioned her fiance, but I wasn't taking it for granted that the guy wouldn't come to the coffee shop with her. That wouldn't be good for us at all. I wasn't anywhere near ready to deal with the doctor. I just hoped she knew that.

I stopped at the house to exchange the snow suit for my winter coat. Then I was on my way to the Cream and Sugar Coffee Shop on the other side of town. I suspected it was near where the doctor lived. I knew that the houses were all huge on that side of town. The people drove around in expensive cars, which would make my truck look a bit out of place, but I didn't care. I just drove to the coffee shop and parked in the little lot. My mother's car was already there so I knew she was already inside.

I went inside the small red and brown brick building, a little bell jingling as the door moved. The small tables were almost all empty at this time of the day which made spotting my mom easy. She looked different, her hair shorter and now auburn, her clothes were more expensive than anything I'd ever seen her dressed in. She looked happy and I tried to tell myself that it was only because she saw me and not that life with the doctor agreed with her.

"Joshua," she said, smiling as I came to stand in front of her table. "You look good."

"So do you," I said as she stood and stepped around the table to hug me.

"Sit," she said, letting go of me.

"I'll just get a coffee first," I said, smiling at her. It really was good to see her.

I stepped up to the counter and waited for the pretty blonde-haired girl to notice me standing there. I was a little nervous about this meeting, wondering what we'd talk about. I hoped we wouldn't discuss the wedding. I still wasn't happy about it and I didn't want to say something that would spark an argument between us.

"Can I help you?" said the girl, looking at me strange. "You're Josh Carson, aren't you?"

"That's me," I said, smiling at her as I searched my memory for her name and came up empty. "I'm sorry I don't know your name."

"Nicole Long," she said, smiling back. "I sit three seats away from you in calculus."

"Ah," I said. "It's good to see you."

"You too," she said. "What'll you have?"

"How about a triple shot mocha," I said. "Heavy cream."

"Coming up," she said.

When she turned to fill my order I saw her in profile and immediately recognized her. If she hadn't told me her name I wouldn't have known it though. Lately girls just weren't on my radar. I'd had too much on my mind with Riley when school was in session to even bother looking. Now I wasn't so sure that I had a desire. That still confused me.

"Thanks, Nicole," I said with a smile as she handed me my cup and took my money. "Keep the change."

"Thanks, Josh," she said, grinning widely.

"See you later," I said before turning to head back to my mother's table.

"A friend from school?" mom asked as I sat down across from her after sitting my cup down and sliding my coat off to put on the third chair on top of my mother's.

"She's in my calculus class," I replied, knowing full well she'd heard us taking. That meant she knew that we weren't friends.

"I'm sure you have plenty of friends," she said absently, shaking her head slightly. "That isn't why we're here though."

"It's good to see you though," I said tentatively.

"It's more than good to see you, too," she said, smiling. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," I said, relaxing slightly.

"Did you like my Christmas gift?" she asked.

"I loved it," I replied, thinking of the treasured pictures she'd given me. "Thank you."

"I really want you to have the house, Josh," she said suddenly, changing the subject faster than I was able to keep up with my thoughts on the past.

"I want the house," I said slowly. "I grew up there. There are memories for me in the house."

"That's why I wanted you to have it," she said, nodding. "Your yard work will cover the expenses?"

"More than," I assured her.

"The utilities are all on," she said, sliding a ring of keys across the table to me. "I've been paying them since I moved...out."

"I'll take over as soon as I move in," I said, taking the keys from her.

And then we were talking about nothing in particular yet everything at once. She asked about Rex and Rob and I told her about Riley and how she'd gone back to Danny, but I wasn't upset about it. She asked about other girls and I said I hadn't had a chance to date with school out until January. Then she broached the very subject I'd been dreading since I'd arrived.

"Will you come to the wedding?" she asked, looking at her hands on the table. She was twisting a napkin very tightly.

"I'm not sure about that," I replied. "I want to be there for you, but I just don't know."

"Well, thank you for at least considering it," she said.

"I love you, Mom," I said. "I want you to be happy, but I can't like the doctor."

Our conversation came to a close shortly after that. She hugged me tight before I left, but I couldn't stop thinking about the wedding as I drove away from the coffee shop. It was nice to be talking to my mother again but it still hurt that she was marrying the doctor. I thought about that all the way back to Rob and Rex's house.

"You look a bit unhappy," said Rob as I came through the door.

"Not unhappy," I replied. "Just remembering unhappy things."

"Well, don't do that," he chuckled. "So how'd it go?"

"It went good, actually," I said, holding up the key ring.

"Those to the house?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, sitting down at the kitchen table. "We can move any time. I want you and Rex to move in with me."

"Well, it would be less expensive," he said, musing. "Have you talked to Rex about this?"

"We discussed it last night," I replied. "He said he was all for it. We were waiting until I actually had the keys to talk to you about it."

"I think we should discuss it first," he said. "There are some things that we need to work out."

"Problems?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he sighed. "This conversation is really none of my business, but I care about both of you so I'm going to get into it anyway."

"Me and Rex?" I asked.

"Spot on," he replied. "Josh, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I knew exactly what he was getting at. I wasn't sure what I was doing just yet. I was trying to decide though.

"Well, you and Rex have been sharing a bed since the night of the dance," he said. "You broke up with Riley, you're not dating anyone and you and Rex are...well I'm not sure what you are at this point. The fact is he isn't sure either."

"Rex isn't sure about what, exactly?" I asked.

"This is a conversation you should have with him, but he's important to me, Josh," said Rob. "Just like you are important to me. I don't want to see either of you get hurt, and I think you're both headed for heartbreak here."

"I'm not sure I understand," I admitted.

"How do you feel about Rex?" he asked me.

"I love Rex," I said without having to think.

"You love him, but are you in love with him?"

"I don't know," I said, looking away. "I'm not sure I want to talk to you about this."

"Oh, believe me, I know you don't," he said. "But I'm looking out for both of you here."

"How?"

"Well first of all you need to know that Rex is in love with you, Josh," he said. "He's been trying to keep himself from falling for you, but he couldn't stop it. You've been having sex every single night, you sleep holding him in your arms and for all practical purposes you are his lover."

Those words actually made my heart beat faster. Rex was in love with me? Well, I guess that wasn't so much of a shock. I'd suspected that for a while. To hear it out loud from another person made me feel good. I was happy that he was in love with me, but I knew I had to figure out how I really felt about him soon. I couldn't keep him hanging like this for long. Then I realized why Rob thought it was hurting both of us. The cabin.

"So he told you about what happened at the cabin?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "What happened at the cabin?"

I sighed. My big mouth had gotten me into this. I told him all about what had happened at the cabin. I told him about the stupid poker game and how mad I'd gotten. Then I told him how Dane had convinced me not to leave. I told him about Mike fondling me in his bedroom the night before we left for the cabin and the frottage session in the sleeping bag. I even told him about Mike and Steve trading off to suck my dick.

"And you told Rex all of this?" he asked.

"Yes, I did," I replied. "I wasn't going to lie to him."

"But you could have just said nothing," he said.

"That's lying," I pointed out.

He seemed to consider this for a moment in silence as he looked at me. Finally he sighed and looked at the table. "If there was only one thing that made me proud of you it would be your infallible honesty."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt Rex," I said quickly. "Not intentionally."

"I know that," he said without hesitation. "But are you even gay, Josh?"

"I'm not sure," I replied just as quickly. "I'm trying to figure that out."

"Have you discussed this with Rex?" he asked.

"No," I admitted. "He said something about us being long overdue for a discussion, but then he asked me to let him be selfish a little while longer."

"That sounds about like him," chuckled Rob. "Josh, I'm only trying to keep you both from getting hurt. I think it might be too late for Rex, but not for you."

"I care for Rex," I said. "I can't say that I'm in love with him because I don't even know what love is. I've never been in love before."

"Well, I have to go," Rob said suddenly, looking at the clock. "Tanner will be off work soon and I want to spring Alex before he gets there."

"Alex?" I asked. We'd still not met Tanner and I couldn't help wondering who Alex was. I'd never heard Rob mention him before.

"That's a long story," he said with a strange smile. "You'll meet Alex eventually I'm sure."

"All right," I said no closer to understanding than I was when he'd mentioned the name to begin with.

"Do try to figure out how you feel soon, Josh," he said seriously as he stood.

"I'm working on it," I promised.

"I'll be home some time tomorrow," he said. "I'm off and so is Tanner, so we plan to spend the day together."

"All right," I said. "I'll let Rex know."

I knew I had a lot to think about after he left. I decided to walk across the street and see what condition the house was in. I knew Mom wouldn't have trashed it, but had she left furniture? Were there dishes in the cabinets? I needed to know these things because if Rob and Rex didn't move in with me I'd have to have all of these things anyway. I was moving home no matter what happened. The house belonged to me after all.

It felt odd to walk through the back door when I used the key to let myself in. The kitchen table was exactly where it had always been. Even the clock that I remembered from my childhood was on the wall above the table. I quickly crossed the kitchen to the cabinets and sighed in relief when I found the dishes that I'd worried over. I left the kitchen and walked into the empty dining room. She'd taken the dining table and chairs, but I wasn't upset about that. I could buy another set soon enough.

What I was interested in was the living room. I could see through the archway into the living room and I knew instantly that the couch, love seat and recliner were all still in place. The entertainment center was across from the couch just like it was supposed to be, though the electronics had been removed. These were also easily replaced.

Once I'd turned on the living room light I noticed that the photographs had been removed from the walls. I supposed that was expected. The curtains and furniture was still in place, though the little trinkets that my mother had collected over the years were gone from the shelves built into the wall behind the recliner. The plants were gone as well.

The closet outside the half bathroom off the dining room was still stocked with hand towels and wash cloths. The office no longer had a desk and chair. The room was completely empty save the curtains that were draped over the windows. This had always been my mother's private sanctuary, so I hadn't expected that she'd leave anything behind in the room. I left it to go upstairs to investigate the two bedrooms and large bathroom.

The queen sized bed was still in her room. The chests and dressers were still in place and there were still blankets in the top of the closet. I went into what had been my room not so long ago and found it exactly as I had left it. My bed and dresser were still there. The bathroom closet was stocked with towels and wash cloths. No toiletries remained and the medicine cabinet was empty, but that was expected as well.

Then I decided that I'd head out to get food and other things that I'd need for the house. I even stopped in the basement to see if the washer and dryer were still there. I was shocked when I found them standing in their places, but happily so. Rex's truck still wasn't in the driveway when I took off to the store.

I bought food, laundry soap and toiletries first. Then I headed out in search of a desk and chair and even perused the televisions in the electronics department of the large department store. I toyed with the idea of a large flat screen, but decided against it at the last second and returned to the house with my purchases. I was putting the food away when Rex knocked on the back door.

"Hey," I said, stepping aside to let him inside the house. "I'm just putting groceries away. I'll get my stuff when I'm done."

"So you're moving in here?" he asked, sitting at the table.

"I told you I was going to," I replied, going back to putting the food away. "You and Rob are more than welcome to move in with me."

"Josh, what's going on between us?" he asked, startling me with his question.

"I'm not entirely sure yet," I answered honestly as I put the last of the groceries away. Then I went to sit with him. "I'm trying to figure that out."

"I think it's time that you do figure it out," he said softly.

"Look," I said. "I'm not sure if I'm gay or what. What I do know is that if I am gay, you're the one I want to be with."

"I don't think I can take it if you decide you're not gay then," he said, looking at the table. "I'm in love with you, Josh."

"I can't say that to you yet," I replied. "I care for you, but I don't even know what love is yet, Rex."

"But do you think that you could be with me in a committed relationship?" he asked, still not looking at me.

"I want to try," I said, deciding on the spot. The idea of not having Rex was worse than anything else I could think of.

"What about your friend, Mike?"

"Oh, Rex," I said quickly. "Nothing is going on between me and Mike. What happened at the cabin and at his house wasn't something I wanted to happen. I've already told him that if I'm gay you're the one I want to be with. Mike and I are just friends. That's all we're ever going to be."

"So you want to be with me?" he asked, finally looking up at me.

"Yes," I replied. "I really do."

"What if you decide you can't do this?" he asked.

"Rex, I think I've already decided that I can," I replied with a smile. "The only thing about us that bothers me is our sexual relationship."

"You don't like it?" he asked, looking stricken.

"No, that's not it," I said quickly. "I'm bothered by the fact that it's all so one-sided."

"Do you think you can reciprocate?" he asked.

"I think I want to find out if I can," I said honestly.

"What if you can't?"

"Well then I guess we have another discussion about where we stand," I replied. "I'm not saying that I'll be able to do this, Rex. All I'm saying is that I want to try and I'm willing to try it all just to find out if I can do it or not."

"Fair enough," he said after a moment of silence. "You're staying here tonight?"

"I was planning on it," I replied.

"Can I stay with you?"

"Rex, I want you to move in with me," I said. "Of course you can stay here tonight."

He just nodded at that. Then he went across the street with me to help me get my stuff. We ended up putting it in the back of his truck and driving it back across the street. It was easier than making three trips back and forth. When I started to set everything up in my mother's room he asked me why I wasn't going back to my old room.

"Bigger bed and more room," I said, smiling at him.

We found clean white sheets for the bed and I searched through the top of the closet for a comforter that wasn't too feminine. I found one that was perfect. It was a black and gray flannel. Afterwards we went back downstairs and I cooked us something to eat. We talked about customers and different lawns while we ate pasta with a creamy white sauce.

After we did the dishes together I decided to take a quick shower. That ended up being a long one with Rex joining me. Nothing sexual happened, but it was very erotic to be washed by someone else. Washing his body wasn't a bad experience for me either. I didn't even balk at washing his dick or running my soapy fingers through his ass crack. As we dried ourselves he leaned forward and kissed me and then were standing there, wrapped in towels, kissing like lovers.

We didn't bother getting dressed. I had already made sure the house was warm enough, so we just went into the bedroom and climbed into the bed. Kissing began again almost instantly and then he was kissing my neck and trying to move down my torso, but I pulled him back up to my face and kissed him again.

"Not this time," I said softly. "If I'm going to do this I have to find out if I can really do this."

"All right," he said, but his voice was hesitant.

I rolled us over so that I was now on top of him and started kissing him again. I had to admit that I really liked kissing him. I knew that having him suck my dick was better than fucking Riley. Fucking him was like nothing I'd ever experienced before in my life. I kept that thought firmly in my mind as I started kissing down his sternum and over the washboard of his stomach.

"You gotta keep your teeth out of the way," I heard Steve's voice in my mind. Ordinarily I'd have been angry with myself for even thinking of Steve at a time like this, but for this I was thankful.

I made sure to keep my teeth off of him and let my lips close over the head of his dick. He sighed when I made contact so I took a little more of him into my mouth. The taste of his skin was only slightly salty with a clean taste from our shower. I took a little more in my mouth and then backed off slowly until just the head of his dick was trapped between my lips. I did that a few times before I heard Steve's voice in my head again.

"You just take a deep breath and relax your throat," he'd said to Mike. "Think of the doctor pressing a tongue suppressor in your mouth and asking you to say 'ah'. Then when you feel it at the back of your throat, kinda sliding further in, swallow around it."

I kept all of that firmly in my head as I copied what he'd said. My gag reflex didn't trigger and soon I had a fair amount of Rex's dick in my throat. I swallowed around it experimentally and he gasped. I backed off again and went back to bobbing up and down on the top of his shaft before plunging back down to take him in my throat again. This went on for a while before he grabbed my shoulders and tried to pull me off of his dick.

"What?" I asked, letting go of his dick and looking up at him.

"I'm about to cum, Josh," he said. "You don't like the taste, remember?"

I thought about it for a few seconds and then looked him in the eye again. "I don't want you to cum yet."

"Then get up here and kiss me," he laughed. "Just leave my dick alone or it's all over."

"All right then," I said, kissing my way back up his torso to his neck.

"You're pretty good at that for a beginner," he moaned as I lightly sucked the skin on his neck.

"I had a theory," I lied; just a little white lie. "I applied it."

"Good theory," he said before my lips covered his and we were kissing again.

"There's something I want you to do for me when you're able," I said between kisses. The decision only just made as I kissed him.

"What?" he asked.

"I want you to fuck me," I said, and he froze.

"Josh..."

"No, listen," I said, cutting him off. "If I'm going to be with you in a committed relationship then I need to know if I can do all of the things that it will take to keep you happy."

"But that isn't one of them," he said quickly. "Josh, I'm not worried about that."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I'm happy with what we've done so far," he said. "You don't have to become a bottom to please me, Josh. I'm quite happy in that position."

"But are you always happy in that position with every relationship you've had?" I asked.

"I've only had three, Josh," he said.

"But were you the bottom in all three?"

"No, but..."

"Then you like to be the top from time to time?" I cut him off again.

"Well, sure, but..."

"Stop arguing with me," I said. "Rex, I want you to fuck me. If I don't like it I'll tell you to stop."

"I still don't think we should do this," Rex said, looking away from me.

"Why not?" I asked, pulling his face back so that he had to look at me. "Tell me, Rex."

"I don't want to hurt you, Josh," he said.

I could see the worry in his ocher-brown eyes as he spoke. I felt better about my decision just seeing that he seriously didn't want to hurt me. It didn't change the way I felt though. If we were going to be together I had to find out if I could let him have what he let me have every single night. I wasn't about to offer to switch roles permanently, but it would be nice to know that I could switch when the need arose.

"Are you going to lie there and tell me that I haven't hurt you?" I asked seriously.

"That's different..."

"How?" I interrupted.

"Because it wasn't my first time," he said. "Josh..."

"So you're telling me that you won't give me my first time?" I asked in exasperation. "What you're basically saying is that you won't do it, so that means if I want to have my first time I have to look outside our 'committed' relationship to get it?"

"Of course I'm not saying that!" he gasped.

"Then what are you saying?" I asked.

"You can be damned impossible," he sighed. "I just don't want to hurt you, Josh."

"I can understand that," I said softly. "But Rex, this is something that I want."

He was quiet for a few minutes as he looked at me. I hated that I'd used the cheating card to get what I wanted, but how was I supposed to know if I liked it or not if he wouldn't help? I could see him thinking it over. It made me feel like an ass for making him think that I might even consider going to someone else though. I wouldn't cheat on him. Hurting him that way was completely out of the question. I understood that we'd hurt each other unintentionally as time went on, but I wasn't going to do anything that would intentionally cause him pain.

"If it hurts too much we stop," he said with a sigh, finally breaking the building silence.

"Of course," I said, smiling at him.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to do this," he said, moving around in the bed until he was out from under me. "There are a few things we have to do to get your ready."

"Instruct away," I said, grinning at him. Inside I was starting to get more than a little nervous. I wasn't a masochist. Pain was involved so I was naturally nervous.

We discussed my last bowel movement and I got embarrassed. Of course that was a factor, but it wasn't something I wanted to talk to anyone about. Then he moved on, thankfully, to stretching my sphincter to help accommodate his dick. He had me lay back against the pillows and lift my knees to give him access to my ass. Then he fumbled in his jeans for a condom and the bottle of Astroglide and coated three of his fingers.

"This might be uncomfortable," he said as he started to run his index finger around the outside of my asshole. "Just tell me if it gets too intense."

"It feels good so far," I replied, thinking that it was far from uncomfortable.

"Yeah," he laughed. "I'm not doing anything serious yet."

"Oh," I breathed as the tip of his index finger slid across my hole.

"All right," he said, looking at me intently. "Relax, Josh. I'm going to insert my finger. Just one for now."

"I'll try," I said, trying to make my entire body relax. It must have worked because his finger slipped inside me.

"Very good," he said. "Just stay relaxed for me."

"Doing my best," I replied.

So far all I felt was a bit of an alien invasion type thing. I'd never had anything inserted into my ass before, so I guess the feeling was normal. He pushed his finger further in and the invasion feeling got a little more intense. Then he bumped something inside me and things got a little better. I knew what he was bumping and I knew what it did to him when I touched his prostate. I wondered why it wasn't doing that to me.

"How does that feel?" he asked.

"It feels ok," I replied truthfully. "I can handle it."

"It didn't feel good?" he asked, his brow furrowing as he looked at me.

"It felt good," I replied. "Not the end all, be all that I was expecting but it was good."

"Maybe that wasn't what I thought it was..."

"No, it was," I assured him. "It just didn't do for me what it does for you I guess."

"Well, I know it isn't great for everyone," he said with a sigh. "If it isn't great for you then we really don't have to do this."

"No," I said quickly. "I want to do this."

"All right," he said with another sigh. "Get ready for the second finger. There's no point in trying to stimulate your prostate further I guess."

Then I felt more pressure and then just a tiny stab of pain as his middle finger joined his index finger inside me. He slid them deeper slowly and then started to twist them. His eyes watched mine and I kept my own calm with effort so he would continue. This was only fingers. I wanted his dick. I knew that if I gave him any indication that I either didn't like what he was doing now or felt any pain he'd call it all off.

Then he announced that he was adding a third finger and I got a little apprehensive, but nodded to him. I felt more pressure and then a lot more pain as his ring finger joined the other two inside me. It was a chore to keep my expression calm and serene as he stretched my sphincter further than it had been stretched before. Then he started to move his fingers apart to stretch it even further and I thought I was going to have to tell him to stop. Fortunately I got used to it fairly quickly though. Then his fingers were gone and I felt a little empty.

"What did you take them out for?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. Did I really want to do this?

"You're ready," he said, and my heartbeat accelerated a bit.

This was a fine time to have second thoughts, I decided and then moved down in the bed like he asked. I lifted my hips off the bed while put a pillow under my ass. Then he put a drop of lubricant on the head of his dick before rolling the condom down his shaft. I watched this closely. It was exactly what I did each time I fucked him. Yet it was still like watching something I'd never seen before. I wondered again if I wanted to do this. Then he smeared lubricant up and down the shaft of his sheathed dick while his other hand worked more and more lubricant into my ass.

"That's cold," I complained when he started to squeeze the bottle and inject more lubricant into me.

"It'll get better," he said as he sat the bottle on the night stand and lined his dick up with my hole. "Push back like you're taking a shit. Breath, Josh."

I did as he instructed and then the head of his dick was inside me. It didn't hurt, but I didn't exactly like it either. He stayed there, poised above me. His left hand was on the bed beside my head, my knees over his shoulders while his right hand was braced against the bed closer to my waist. He looked me in the eye the entire time.

"I'm fine, Rex," I assured him.

In answer he pushed a bit further into me and then there was pain. It wasn't completely unbearable, but it was there and it slowly got worse as he pushed further and further into me. He was carefully watching my face the entire time and I had to really concentrate to keep my features calm and serene. It was a struggle.

Then I felt his pubic hair bristling against my perineum and I knew he was all the way in. Again he stopped, poised above me to watch my face. The pain wasn't so intense now. It was more like a dull throb that I could almost ignore with careful thought. It was getting better the longer he stayed still though. I smiled up at him.

He lowered his face to mine so slowly that I thought it would take a day before his lips reached mine. Then we were kissing and he was slowly pulling back out of me. I hated the crushing emptiness that was left in his wake immediately. I moaned against his lips as he started to slowly thrust back into me. His in and out motions gave me the sensation that my sphincter was vibrating. This was a strange sensation for me and it made me want to scratch an itch that wasn't there. At the same time I liked it.

I held on to him as tightly as he held on to me. The only movements of our bodies were his pelvis thrusting his dick into my bowels and pulling back. I couldn't love this. That was certain. I wasn't even sure I liked it. Sure the vibrating sensation was something that I liked, but it was only because this was Rex. I was sure that I wouldn't like it if it were anyone else. I liked the fact that this was giving him pleasure even if I wasn't really getting much pleasure out of it at all. I wanted to make him feel good. That was the whole point.

First I'd wanted to see if this was something that I could like as much as he liked it when I was the one fucking him. Once we were both sure that wasn't the case I'd changed my mind. It became about letting him have the same pleasure that I got when I fucked him. Equal. That's what it was about. I wanted Rex to have just as much pleasure out of our sex life as I got. It didn't even matter that he could get pleasure out of me fucking him when I couldn't get that same pleasure when he fucked me. Was that love? I wasn't sure. I still had no clue what love really was. I only knew that I wanted him to be happy and with me.

"I can't hold out much longer, Josh," he panted in my ear.

"Then don't," I replied, pulling his head off my shoulder and bringing our lips together again as he sped up his thrusts.

His body began to shake and he moaned against my mouth. Then he thrusted into me and went rigid. With each twitch of his body against mine I knew that he was pumping cum into the condom inside me. I held him tight and kissed him for all I was worth until he relaxed against me. I ran my hands up and down his back as I kissed him deeper. I'd done it. That's all I kept thinking.

Then the hard part came. He slowly removed himself from my ass and that emptiness came back in full force. I moaned against his mouth in protest. Then he moved his mouth away from mine and he was untangling himself from me to lay beside me. His breathing was still coming in soft gasps as he lay there, but I knew that he was sated.

"You didn't get off," he said softly.

"I guess it really doesn't do for me what it does for you," I replied. "But don't think for a minute that I didn't enjoy myself."

"What was there for you to enjoy?" he asked seriously.

"Having you inside me," I replied without a thought. "Knowing that what I was giving you was giving you pleasure."

"But you didn't like it," he said with a sigh.

"I didn't hate it, Rex," I said quickly. "I can't love it the way you do, but I wouldn't say that I didn't like it at all."

"But the fact remains that you didn't get off," he said, smiling at me. "I mean to rectify that."

"Tomorrow," I sighed. "I'm tired. I know you have to be tired."

"Oh, I'm tired," he said. "Happy new year, by the way."

"Happy new year," I replied, smiling at him. "Now let's get some sleep."

New Year's Day dawned bright and clear. We stuck close to the house that day not even bothering to get dressed. The shades and blinds were pulled at every window so it wasn't as if anyone would see us. We ate cereal for breakfast and then pulled a blanket out of the closet, sat on the couch and talked about nothing in particular.

I was aware that my ass was a bit sore, but other than that there were no ill effects of the previous night's activities. Rex was still insisting that he owed me one, but I wasn't giving in just yet. I was enjoying myself just sitting there with him in my arms, skin against skin where I could feel any part of him I wanted.

"So we're a committed couple now?" he asked out of the blue just before lunch.

"I thought we'd established that already," I replied, kissing him just above his ear.

"I wanted to make sure that you still felt that way today," he said softly.

"Rex," I said, turning his head with my hand so that he would look at me. "Don't worry about this anymore. I'm yours. You've got me."

"I love you, Josh," he said, looking me in the eye. "I will worry for a while. At least until it sets in that you really do want to be with me."

I supposed I had to let him have that "set in" time. We didn't talk about it anymore for the rest of the day. We finally got dressed and went across the street to find Rob around supper time. Rob met us with a big grin on his face as we came through the back door. We just smiled back at him like idiots.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"You two," he laughed. "I guess you guys had a good night."

"What makes you say that?" Rex asked, moving further into the kitchen and getting himself a glass of tea.

"I can see it on your faces," he said. "You guys worked some things out."

"We did," I replied before Rex could say anything in reply.

"So what's the verdict?" Rob asked.

"Well," I said, glancing at Rex. "I'm definitely gay. I'm also definitely Rex's lover."

"I'm happy for you both then," he said, smiling at us again.

"So have you given any thought to my offer?" I asked as we sat down at the table.

"I have," he said. "I've decided to stay right here in this house. I hate moving."

"All right," I said, eyeing Rex for his reaction. He just sat there and looked back and forth between us.

"I assume that you'll be moving in with him though," Rob said to Rex.

"Oh absolutely," Rex said quickly. "I'd thought you'd come with us though."

"No, I think I should stay right here," he said. "Besides with your bedroom open I can put my little brother in it when he arrives."

"He's coming?" Rex asked, smiling wide.

"He called yesterday," Rob said, grinning. "He got his acceptance letter on Tuesday."

Rob's younger brother, Caleb, had applied to Bryarwood University just before Christmas Vacation. Rob was excited about that, but Caleb's coming to spend the summer with his brother no matter what happened with Bryarwood U was what Rob was really looking forward to. Now it seemed that he'd be living in the house with Rob for the entire year.

"That's great!" Rex cried excitedly. "So when is he getting here?"

"Well not until June, obviously," laughed Rob. "So that's why I'm staying here. There wouldn't be room for all of us across the street."

"There wouldn't be room for all of us here," I pointed out. "I'm sorry that you won't be with us, but at least you'll still be across the street."

We settled down to eat after that. Talk continued as Rex and I answered questions about what we planned to do with the house and so on. I hadn't planned to change anything about the house, but Rex wanted to do a few things. He explained that he didn't like the color of the bedroom we now shared and I agreed after a minute. Then we decided to wait for later to argue over what to change.

My mother called that evening and asked if I had moved back into the house. I told her that I was in the process of moving back and assured her that the bills would be paid on time until August when I could switch them all into my name. She promised to be there for my birthday and I thanked her for that. When she asked if Rob and Rex were moving in with me I told her about Caleb coming and Rob staying in the house with him.

When we got back to the house Rex protested the fact that we had no television. I told him we'd have to go and buy one and that's exactly what we did. First he measured the space in the entertainment center and then we set out the very next day to find a flat screen television that would fill that space.

Of course a television is nothing without a DVD player so we bought one of those too. We bought a few movies to take home with us as well. With a television, DVD player and DVDs to watch I decided to stop at the store to get a few frozen pizzas and soda before we headed home to find Mike sitting on the front porch waiting for us. He didn't look happy. Rex and I looked at each other as I pulled the truck into the driveway.

"Hey, Mike," I said as we got out.

"Josh," he said, looking from me to Rex and back.

"Rex, this is my friend Mike from school," I said in introduction. "Mike, this is my boyfriend, Rex."

Mike's eyes widened at the word "boyfriend". It had just slipped out. It seemed so naturally to call him my boyfriend. He was, after all. Still I didn't think I'd wanted to come out so quickly. Then I remembered that Mike was gay and calmed down about it. I decided that it wouldn't make a difference if he knew or not.

"Nice to meet you, Mike," Rex said, smiling at Mike after giving me a confused look.

"Mike, how did you know to come over here and sit on the porch?" I asked. I hadn't had a chance to tell anyone other than my mother and Rob that I'd moved back into the house.

"I stopped across the street," he explained. "Your other roommate said you were over here. When I didn't get you to answer the door and couldn't find your truck I decided to just sit and wait for you."

"Something wrong?" I asked as he followed us to the back of the truck and then started to help Rex lift the television out of the truck.

"Ralph is spending the night with Steve," he said in explanation. It was enough for me. I decided quickly.

"You can stay here tonight if you want," I said. Rex looked at me again.

"Thanks, Josh," Mike said, smiling. "I knew you'd understand."

Nothing else was said for a while. We carried the television and other purchases into the house and then Rex and Mike started setting it all up in the entertainment center while I went to put the pizzas in the oven, grab three glasses of ice for the soda and think about what Mike must be thinking about the fact that I'd called Rex my boyfriend. The last time I'd talked to him I had admitted that if I was gay Rex was the one I wanted to be with. I hadn't forgotten how Mike felt though. I wondered if his staying in the house was such a good idea after all.

I found them laughing like old friends when I got back to the living room with the sodas and told them that the pizzas would be ready in about a half hour. Then we settled down to watch a movie after I went back to the kitchen to get the timer. We didn't talk much during the movie and Mike didn't even falter at the sight of Rex's arm around me. It felt comfortable and familiar having Mike around. I was happy for that.

"You guys make a nice couple," Mike said when he helped me get plates of pizza.

"Thanks, Mike," I said, smiling at him.

"I thought I'd be jealous," he said, smiling back at me. "But I'm not. I'm really happy for you."

And then we had a great evening together, eating pizza, watching movies and basically goofing off together. Rex and Mike seemed to get along very well. I liked that. Mike was probably my closest friend outside of Rex and Rob so the fact that he got along with Rex was really good in my book.

"He's a nice guy," Rex said when we were in bed later that night. I'd put Mike in my old room.

"He is," I replied. "I was a little worried about how he'd feel about the two of us though."

"He has a crush," he said simply. Then I remembered that I'd told him all about what had happened between me and Mike as well as what had happened between me, Mike and Steve.

"But at least he's able to put it aside and see that I'm happy," I replied.

"That's a good thing," said Rex. "I don't share."

"I would never have asked you to share, Rex," I soothed.

"Relax, Josh," he said, smiling at me. "I'm happy and content. I got exactly what I wanted and I'm not the least bit jealous."

I snuggled closer to him after that and we went to sleep. We were in exactly the same positions when I woke up the next morning and slowly and quietly slipped out of the bed and out of the room to the bathroom. I heard Mike in the main bathroom and was suddenly very thankful that my mother's room had a bathroom of its own. I was also extremely thankful that it was stocked with towels. Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed and heading downstairs to get breakfast. I knew that Rex would wake up sooner or later and I still wasn't sure if we were going to head out to do walks and driveways or not. It hadn't snowed again so I wasn't sure there was a need.

"Morning, Josh," said Mike when I got to the kitchen.

"Morning," I replied. "Hang tight and I'll have breakfast in a bit."

"What are we having?"

"Pancakes," I said, getting the mixing bowl out of the cabinet.

"Sounds good," he said. "I was hoping to talk to you alone for a few minutes anyway."

"What about?" I asked as I gathered the ingredients for breakfast from the canisters and fridge.

"Well you know my birthday is in February," he said slowly.

"Yeah," I said unsure of where he was going.

"Well I was wondering if I could stay with you for the rest of the school year and summer," he said in a rush.

I thought about that as I mixed the pancake batter. Having Mike around wouldn't be so bad, but what would Rex think of it? We were really only just starting out and having another guy around might not be something that he wanted. We were expecting Rob to move in though so it might not be a bad thing as far as Rex was concerned either. I guessed I'd just have to discuss it with him.

"It sounds fine to me, Mike," I said. "We just need to talk to Rex about it first."

"Of course," he said. "Thanks, Josh."

"Life with the Olin brothers not turning out to be a good thing for you?" I asked, ladling the first bit of batter into the hot pan for the first pancake.

"You have no idea," Mike said. "After the cabin I thought it would be all right, but I was wrong."

"You don't have to tell me about it," I said.

"Well I think I'm in love with Dane," he said, startling me completely.

"Dane?" I asked.

"Had you not figured out that Dane was gay?"

"Well I suspected it, but I'm just shocked that you think you're in love with him," I said, wondering if that was why he had so easily accepted me and Rex.

"Something happened between us a few nights after they got back from the cabin," he admitted. "It was nice. But then he acted like it didn't happen and just started spending so much time away from the house."

"Just one thing happening between you guys has you thinking you're in love with him?" I asked.

"Well, we talked a lot," he said. "And he's very understanding and actually a good guy, Josh."

"I think I figured that part out at the cabin," I replied, waiting for more.

"It doesn't matter anyway," he sighed. "He's leaving to return to school in a few days."

"Morning, men," said Rex as he came into the kitchen. He paused to kiss me and then joined Mike at the table. "Pancakes?"

"Coming up," I replied, glancing at Mike. Our discussion about Dane was clearly over for the moment, but there was another that I needed to have with Rex.

"Sounds good," he said, smiling at me.

"Rex, what do you think about Mike coming to live with us for the rest of the school year and summer?" I asked, flipping the second pancake.

"Sounds all right with me," he said. "So when are you moving in, Mike?"

"Well, I can't until my birthday," replied Mike. "That's in February."

"So it looks like we're going to have a roommate in February," Rex said, smiling at me as I put a plate of pancakes in front of him and went back to start on Mike's.

One thing was settled. Mike wasn't upset about me and Rex. Now it seemed he'd be moving in with us in a month or so. I was sure that his feelings for Dane would have to be dealt with eventually. I didn't know what it felt like to be in love with someone that didn't love me in return. I still wasn't sure I even knew what being in love felt like.


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